The url: bianconeri.vox.com

"It's not about falling down, but instead it's how you pick yourself up". Yeah I did falter but it doesn't mean that I'll stay down for the count. I tried to be normal but it was difficult because a day would not pass without me worrying about things. I felt that there was still something missing, I just can't identify what it was. And right that very moment as if he was observing God gave a shift reply. This came in the form of an invitation to a retreat, a friend told me about his plans of going to an out-of-town retreat. He asked me if I wanted to join him, I accepted the invitation.

 

I think it's been more than 10 years since my last retreat so in some ways I was a stranger to the idea. My dad also gave me a heads up on how the retreat will be conducted so I'll be prepared when I get there. The retreat was very orderly each participant was handed out a leaflet which contained the schedule, guidelines and house rules of the retreat. And while I was browsing through the leaflet I read something interesting, it reads: "In order for this retreat to be successful you must observe complete silence for the whole duration of the retreat. You are communicating with the Lord so please devote your time for him". And then the thought popped out of my mind, this was what I was looking for "peace and quiet". The venue was perfect, the lot was sprawling, we had individual rooms and the retreat house was filtered by thick vegetation.

 

At last a time to reflect without worrying about time and obligations! For a change I can afford to sit down relax and think freely, sort out things in the presence of God. With the grace of God all the emotional burden was taken off my back and I found peace of mind.

 

I can honestly say that I'm still a work in progress but that does not bother me because I was able to define my goals with God's help.  With  God  nothing is impossible, we just have to work hard for  goals  the rest  is  up to him.

It's been awhile since I last wrote my last entry here on my exclusive online journal and since then a lot has taken place.

 

I wanted to document these events so that I can look at them in the  future and see my maturity as an individual in terms of mental, emotional and spiritual aspects of life.

 

I never had the talent in writing so whatever is written here in my journal, they  are random thoughts coming from my heart and mind.

 

Where it all started

 

The chain of events started April of this year - from out of nowhere I just felt that my life needed drastic changes. The first item that I concentrated on was work. The urgency was already there to look for a more practical field of work. It's not that I'm resenting my work as a call center agent but I strongly felt that I can't have a work schedule that followed a different time zone. Secondly, I just wanted to eliminate the worry of having different rest days other than Saturday and Sunday. This was my  primary argument.

 
I was fuelled by my emotions when I discussed the matter with my wife, at first my wife talked me out of resigning from work outright, but in the end she gave in to my decision. From that point on my fate was sealed.

 
I had no contingency plan when I resigned from work nor any ideas what the exact turn around time as to when I'll be employed again.  All I could do was hope for the best.

 

Reaching the boiling point

 

After a few weeks and a few interviews I found myself in an unfamiliar situation – having a long and indefinite vacation. It's not that I'm complaining with the situation but if you don't have any hot leads to hold on to, you'll be impatient after a few weeks. So there I was idle, just living a routinary week – my schedule consisted of waking up just before lunchtime, staying at home waiting for calls from prospective employers and more sleep. The climax of the story came at a very unusual time - a get togther, because of anxieties and frustrations I had an outburst. I can say that this was one of the lowest points in my life. Beer can be a very powerful ally when you want to express or say something – I can attest to that.

 

It's been awhile since the last time I wrote my last entry here and since then a lot has happened.

Let's quickly look at the time line:

 

July 06 – Rhoda is 3 months on the way with Joaquin Alessandro

September 16, 06 – Wedding day! J                            

November 06 – Got a pad of our own at Globe.

January 13, 07 – The birth of Joaquin Alessandro.

February 17, 07 – The christening of Joaqui.

 

 

Although this is the summary of the events that took place for the past few months its been one great adventure and learning experience for me.

 

I guess all the goals that have eluded me in the past are already within my grasp … and I’ll make sure that I grab a hold of it before it eludes me again.  

 

Coming soon : Picture highlights of the events that took place …

 

Defending World Champions

Can they repeat this year in Germany? It's going to be a long and difficult road to the finals and I'm sure whoever wins in the finals is indeed the deserving team to take home the trophy. Teams to look out for - Netherlands, Argentina, Germany & England, these teams have won their inagural games in the tournament. They are all expected to march on to the next round, would there be any upsets in the making wait and see.

Complaint - I can't seem to catch the games on t.v. even if a local cable channel is boasting that they will be televising the games whenever, wherever ... where is truth in advertising?!

 

Side stories to the world cup

Impossible eleven

Have you seen this commercial? What are these boys up to? Brilliant idea behind the commercial by the way.

0 - 2! That's our current standing after two games on the ongoing Crescent sportsfest. Even before the sportsfest started, we -- the rebels were one of the tournament favorites but as of the moment we haven't lived up to our billing. This is the situation - the team does not have a full time coach, the only thing we have close to a coach is me. I can still effectively shuffle the players when i'm not playing but when i'm already on the court the problem starts to appear. Talk about multi-tasking!

The goal we need to set is this - we just need to take it one game at a time, if we look at the remainder of the season we will be overwhelmed and once that happens its game over!

Changes.

I'm also planning to go to church Saturday evening instead of Sunday morning, this is to leave my Sunday open for family-oriented activities.

I also visited Gateway mall last Saturday with Rhoda and Mama. We had dinner there and checked out the mall, you wouldn't believe that you are in Cubao when your in Gateway. Kudos to Ayala for giving Araneta Center a facelift, i'm sure other developers would also follow suit. :)

It's June 8, 2006 today, somebody is celebrating their birthday today and this somebody is very close to my heart. I am thankful that she is part of my life. I am wishing her good health and wisdom, thank you for making my life more meaningful.

 

Happy 2-th birthday Rhoda

 

Love,

Paolo

In the end Jonathan Kent dies. Just like in the original plot, he succumbs to a heart attack and as written Clark wasn't able to do anything about it.  Just a few more pieces remaining and the puzzle will be completed. With the way things are going the remaining episodes for the season would be interesting and would leave the audience guessing.

 

 

It's now or never.

 Changes must be made, and venturing out of the comfort zone is a must.

Sacrifices must be made in order to see progress, switching to a more modest lifestyle would definitely help.

 Make more realistic goals and never settle for mediocrity.

 

 

 

Here is a short letter, hope it serves as an eye opener.

 

Tumatanda ka na, tol.

Nasa Friday Magic Madness na yung mga paborito mong kanta. Nakaka-relate ka na sa Classic MTV. Lesbiana na yung kinaaaliwan mong child star dati. Nanay na lagi ang role ng crush na crush mong matinee idol noon.

Dati, pag may panot, sisigaw ka agad ng "PENDONG!".  Ngayon, pag may sumisigaw nun, ikaw na yung napapraning. Parang botika na ang cabinet mo. May multivitamins, vitamin E, vitamin C, royal jelly, tsaka ginko biloba.

Dati, laging may inuman. Sa inuman, may lechon, sisig, kaldereta, inihaw na liempo, pusit, at kung anu-ano pa. Ngayon, nagkukumpulan na lang kayo ng mga kasama mo sa Starbucks at oorder ng tea.

Wala na ang mga kaibigan mo noon.

Ang dating masasayang tawanan ng barkada sa canteen, napalitan na ng walang katapusang pagrereklamo tungkol sa kumpanya ninyo. Wala na ang best friend mo na lagi mong pinupuntahan kapag may problema ka. Ang lagi mo na lang kausap ngayon e ang kaopisina mong hindi ka sigurado kung binebenta ka sa iba pag nakatalikod ka. Ang hirap nang magtiwala.

Mahirap nang makahanap ng totoong kaibigan. Hindi mo kayang pagkatiwalaan ang kasama mo araw-araw sa opisina. Kung sabagay, nagkakilala lang kayo dahil gusto ninyong kumita ng pera at umakyat sa tinatawag nilang  "corporate ladder". Anumang pagkakaibigang umusbong galing sa pera at ambisyon ay hindi talaga totoong pagkakaibigan. Pera din at ambisyon ang sisira sa inyong dalawa.

Pera. Pera na ang nagpapatakbo ng buhay mo.
 
Alipin ka na ng Meralco, PLDT, SkyCable, Globe, Smart, at Sun. Alipin ka ng Midnight Madness. Alipin ka ng tollgate sa expressway. Alipin ka ng credit card mo. Alipin ka ng ATM. Alipin ka ng BIR.

Dati-rati masaya ka na sa isang platong instant pancit canton. Ngayon, dapat may kasamang italian chicken ang fettucine alfredo mo. Masaya ka na noon pag nakakapag-ober-da-bakod kayo para makapagswimming. Ngayon, ayaw mong lumangoy kung hindi Boracay o Puerto Galera ang lugar.

 

Dati, sulit na sulitna sayo ang gin pomelo. Ngayon, pagkatapos ng ilang bote ng red wine, maghahanap ka ng San Mig Light o Vodka Cruiser.

Wala ka nang magawa. Sumasabay ang lifestyle mo sa income mo. Nagtataka ka kung bakit hindi ka pa rin nakakaipon kahit tumataas ang sweldo mo. Yung mga bagay na gusto mong bilhin dati na sinasabi mong hindi mo kailangan, abot-kamay mo na. Pero kahit nasa iyo na ang mga gusto mong bilhin, hindi ka pa rin makuntento.

Saan ka ba papunta?

Tol, gumising ka. Hindi ka nabuhay sa mundong ito para maging isa lang sa mga baterya ng mga machines sa Matrix. Hanapin mo ang dahilan kung bakit nilagay ka rito. Kung ang buhay mo ngayon ay uulit-ulit lang hanggang maging singkwenta anyos ka na, magsisisi ka. Lumingon ka kung paano ka nagsimula, isipin ang mga tao at mga bagay na nagpasaya sa yo.

Balikan mo sila.

Ikaw ang nagbago, hindi ang mundo.

 

After a weekend packed with activities I'm thinking of taking things slow from here on. Saturday was the opening of our sportsfest here at work and we had a game that same day, our inagural game for the season resulted to a loss. The team is still in the process of "getting-to-know" each other and we still have not assumed our individual roles on the team. Then shortly thereafter, I played with my h.s. friends on the ongoing M.B.T. second conference. Good thing we won over ICT-HSBC this time by a whopping 20 points, after the game I wasnt feeling sore anymore. :)  

I just realized that age is catching up with me, I have to admit I'm not that fit anymore. Yes I play basketball every week but that's no longer enough to stay fit. Aside from drinking every weekend I also stay up late, these are the 2 factors needs to be lessen or avoided.

Sometimes its hard to accept reality, but if the change that you will be making is for the better, then why not.